Restarting Completion

I was watching Swamiji answering a questioner how to create wealth and what to do after the wealth workshop. Swamiji answered with just one instruction, Completion. Every night, do Completion for 21 days.

I realized how I miss this one simple instruction and keep on postponing it for ever. I took it up seriously. I was tired in the night after going out, slept off tonight again. But, thank GODDL and mosquitoes, I woke up late in the night and remembered to do Completion.

And it was wonderful. I remembered many, small painful incidents during childhood. The very fact that I could remember them makes it obvious that I have these sitting inside me as incompletions and driving my wrong cognition. For eg, I wanted  colorful book about cars from a bookshop and my father denied it. I wanted some board games for summer vacation and my father denied it. I mistook some engine oil for cheese and wanted it badly, and later realized it was not what I thought it was. I did some mischievous activities in school and was caught and felt very guilty about them.

A constant pattern of denial for all the small things I wanted. Guilt somewhere else. All these are stored as pain or high resolution pictures in our inner space. And these sit in the past and affect the future. If you think past cannot be changed, future cannot be changed too. Have the confidence that even past can be changed, we will feel the same with future too.

Feeling sleepy in office to Discovering Blind Spots

When there is no pressure to deliver something or no deadline or a slack, I feel sleepy and fidgety in office. I keep opening and reading the same news again and again. Go through the same pattern without committing anything.  I read articles on what the reason could be, is it food, lack of sleep, lack of motivation...

Got a strong, practical and straight solution here: Blind spots

http://nithyananda.org/video/don’t-hide-behind-your-blind-spots%E2%80%AC

"Who do not compromise in the inner space, who feels their inner space is like their chastity is Dhīrāh."

"Go on micro-managing your inner space, go on micro-managing. The moment you diagnose the thought current, thought pattern, immediately the pattern will melt. The moment you diagnose, if it is not melting, that thought current is not a real problem, still you have not put your hands on the real problem. I tell you, many time when the people are not able to wake up in the early morning they try to put more alarms, more cold water, sleep early, all that does not work, the gastric and stomach ulcer need to be healed, because, the problem is there, putting more alarms, putting more cold water on yourself, putting more people to call you, sleeping early, nothing will work, till you put your hand on the right problem, with everything, with every situation, with every problem, putting your hand on the right thought current, the moment you put your hand on the right thought current, the problem dissolves, problem disappears."

"So today I wanted all of you to have Vaakyartha Sadhas, on this subject: Blind Spots and thought current which creates, indirect problems?"

"Please understand most of your problems are not straight as you think. If you are not able to wake up in the morning you think, you have laziness as the problem, no, not surely, you must be having gastric and ulcer problem in the stomach, kadukkai pudi [haritaki herb] is the solution, that heals, but your pattern will be such, even that few pills you will never swallow, forget about taking it as a powder, even the few pills, somehow you will find the reason, it’s not there, it’s not, in the galleria, it’s not there in the shop, it’s not there in my bedroom, it’s not there next to my bed, I forgot, I thought next day I will take it, I will take it tomorrow. That’s what I call blind spots, tons and tons and tons of blind spots, tons and tons and tons of blind spots, when you heal your blind spots, even your fingertips will act as eyes. "

"Most subtlest, subtlest patterns do not expose themselves as patterns to you. They try to convince you, you are them, they are your characters, they are your beauty, they are your colors, no no! Any sympathy, any sympathy for your patterns in any form is a crime against yourself, atmahatya, understand."

"A Sannyasi, who is a declared Sannyasi, who takes the vow, of sannyasa, brahmacharya, aparigraha, asteya, satya, who takes the vow, even if he cherishes, the desires which are not in tune integrity with these 5 vows of ahimsa, satya, asteya, brahmacharya, Aparigraha, even if he cherishes mentally something which is not integrated to this 5 vows – brahmacharya, aparigraha, satya, ssteya, even if he cherishes it becomes crime against himself, ātmahatyā,, it is not even socially crime, if somebody cherishes, a Sannyasi cherishes certain thought currents which is against his 5 vows, it is not socially immoral or socially crime, society nobody is even going to know, but it is already cosmically crime because it is ātmahatyā, it is against his integrity, he becomes patita, understand.


...

Back to the question of, why I feel sleepy.

I started looking beneath the surface. I asked what am I doing here, why am I doing this insignificant piece of work, when I am supposed to be doing something greater and bigger. Others are doing more important work while I am doing insignificant work.

This 'feeling insignificant'. What am I going to do about it? Ask or find something more significant? Will it solve the issue? How did I land up doing this? Aren't I responsible for the work I get? "Your Vibe attracts your Tribe". Am I taking myself insignificantly?

Imagining I am significant and not reflecting it in my work is hypocrisy, Blind Spot.

Micromanage your inner space.

When I connected these two and started writing this article, I felt as if some knot in my navel untied, breathing changed from shallow to deep and relaxed automatically. Feeling wonderful and excited. Wow! Liberated Thinking.

Why this running away from others and responsibilities. Whatever opportunity I hear, the first response is, Oh! how can I do it? Impossible.

Old, immature cognition. How long will I cherish this cuteness? Carrying a big body and an immature mind is not cute, it is ugly.

Ferociousness!

But the moment I diagnose the problem, it will melt. If it is not melting, I haven't laid my hands on the real problem.

I feel every area of my life stinks, is in a very bad and messed up state. And yet, I don't take any significant action. I postpone or feel I cannot do it. Its wishful thinking. Hypocrisy.

Nothing becomes perfect overnight, that is arrogance of will power. Will persistence. No matter how much time it takes, I will take action every day, no matter the outcome.

Isn't this principle the same in every field of life, research, meditation, investment, work, career, relationship, health... nothing significant happens overnight. It takes consistent, minute steps.

My Inner space is my chastity.

This is a big blind spot. We think we can get away with our inner thoughts. No one will catch us. We can think any thing - lust, anger, violence, powerlessness, greed, jealousy inside us - who will know. But I will behave and act appropriately in the external world following the societal rules. This is Crime against Yourself.

We get punished for our external actions and that's how we are trained to behave and act appropriately according to social expectations. But we know, no one is there to monitor our inner thoughts. This is a blind spot.

Why do I mess up with the words I use, when I talk to others? I use similar, but the wrong words and confuse other. No awareness towards my inner space? I never even paid attention to it.

I remember all my childhood, I looked like a good boy to others - obedient, silent, studious. But I let loose the reins inside me, it was thinking all weird stuff what I could not do externally. Its a poor situation to be in - creating a difference between the inner and outer worlds. Integrity is the only right space to be in.

Who is a Sannyasi or Brahmana or Dheera? He who has achieved this space. It is not a title or status, it is a state, an inner alchemy has happened.

How? Right listening, right context, right thinking, right being.